m&ms

2005-10-10T21:40:00.000+09:00

ok i havent blogged here for a retardedly long time. does anyone still read this thing or is mark tan spamming the refresh button to artificially boost his popularity ratings? hahas im kding dear ure always popular to me.

ok thats disgusting. anyway, as u all already noe i screwd up my prelims but mt got abbb. which is gayly powerful results. this means he either a. slept with the teachers (which is unlikely cos none of the teachers are gay, and no woman wants to sleep with mark tan) or b. he mugged his ass off (which means that sob lied to us "eh ur go dota first im learning new strats on dota.com dont worry im going to screw prelims too!") or c. hes fucking smart.

its probably c la. slut. too fucking smart.

anyway mt u do NOT have a charming smile. a charming smile is this:

u see shes barely even smiling but all of u are mesmerisd.

nOt like this:

in case dunnoe hu we are and think the guy on the right has quite a cute smile. thats ME! mts the guy on the left. hahahaahs thats is such a buxing smile. nononono.

ok la act we both look like shite. which is why we're not gay.

i tell u who has the cutest smile. jon yap's act cute smile is dam imbalanced. hahaas he looks almost like a chick.

ok and this happend today. cos he was lunching with us and chunyee makes a random comment that sounds slightly gay
cy: *random mildly gay comment*
yap: *winks seductively*
cy: wtf was that for?
yap: just testing.

ok this clearly belongs on my real blog too.

i thank you kindly

2005-10-02T14:06:00.000+09:00

the good news is that im alive

the even better news is that i spent my weekend doing flagday! WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO! come on, WHICH LUCKY PERSON gets to do flag day at THIS TIME OF YEAR!? surely, i am blessed.

the best part was that it was in katong, like, how cool is that. i get to eat katong laksa for lunch. wowowowow, except that our slot was from 8-11 (in the morning, no less), and katong is 2 hours away from my place. and the laksa shops only open at 2..

and if anyone was wondering, singaporeans are a really generous lot. hahaha, i must admit im pretty proud of myself, i collected twice as much as the rest of my mates. perhaps its cos im charming, and i have a beautiful smile (purvis is right, you know, hahahahahahaha). or maybe it was because i was standing outside the UOB bank. but surely not what, right? hahahahaha.

i always made it a point to confront the people stuffing the thick wad of $50 bills into their already bulging wallets. yeah and these esteemed individuals are always so friendly and so nice about everything, and they always have this smile on the face that suggests they have been caught in the act of doing something wrong. such dears.

and so they always whip out their wallets and drop in twenty cents or so, and i am deeply touched by their generosity. come on, they had to FUMBLE about their bags for ANOTHER wallet which they keep their spare change in (all the 5 cents la, you know), when they could have simply dropped in a $10 or even $2 bill. and did i mention that they always take as many stickers i can offer them? they stick it all over themselves! isnt that fantastic? like, maybe they think those green stickers with pink words are really cool or something, and they're making a fashion statement or something. hahahaha its very funny la, especially when they walk away with one sticker on their shirt, and one on their back pocket, and one on their wallets. free advertisement, good what! haaha.

to the individuals who have undeniably brightened my flag day, i just wanna say -

i thank you, i thank you kindly.

post prelim pandemonium

2005-09-28T21:03:00.000+09:00

ok, so the exams have ended, and we are all going back to school tomorrow.

i guess we had to, sooner or later. i mean, much as i enjoyed it, i couldnt really expect to spend my days sleeping, eating, dotaing and otherwise indulging myself could i? ok, so prelims hasnt really made a significant in my addikted lifestyle. but STILL.

back at church after a forever that eroded my sense of the supreme (blame it on the monster that is Prelims), the pastor said something remarkably trite but true - "there can be no gain without pain" or something to that effect. after all, what wont kill you will make you stronger.

i guess i found some solace in that, after all, one has to, where one can. just as there can be no heaven without hell, holidays wouldnt really be the same without the thrill (or terror, i forget) of exams.

so bring on anti-life, the beast of judgement that is rollason with our ehist scripts.

it won't kill, will it?

my SINcerest apologies

2005-09-14T21:20:00.000+10:00

oh, how i have sinned today. given the opportunity of bearing witness to literary genius, i have, alas, made a complete and utter fool of myself, and in the process, caused unimaginable harm to the well-established reputations of great, esteemed individuals. God knows i deserve to be condemned to an eternity spent in purgatory memorising my secondary school chinese vocabulary guidebook. but before the minions of hell drag me away, i would like to sincerely and wholeheartedly apologise for my greivous sins.

I am sorry, Hardy, for doing great injustice to your brilliance. I am sorry for not being able to grasp the subtlety of your text, and for having the cheek, in all my stupidity, to comment on your work. I am sorry for not possessing prior information to such a central character as Mrs. Yeobright, and yet still attempt to make sweeping generalisations and spurious claims about this austere model of motherhood. I acknowledge that my assertions are tantamount to slander, and I hereby withdraw unconditionally any and every statement that I have made about her, including but not limited to observations that have implicitly or explicitly suggested that she was simple, stupid or of dubious sexuality - practically all of them.

To the poor soul who will be marking my paper, just some friendly advice. It is advisable NEVER to approach the script, since being exposed to such immense levels of idiocy is highly dangerous. Among other things, it might trigger a fit or a heat attack, or brain death. I am fully aware that watching mind numbing programmes such as teletubies or Barney for several weeks on end is nothing compared to the challenge that this courageous individual is about to face. My full sympathies and condolences, and if help is needed, please do not hesitate to call the Samaritans of Singapore (for anybody in crisis and suicidal) at 1800-221-4444.

Dengue Disaster

2005-09-10T12:40:00.000+10:00

Wah lao eh, i was reading the papers again, these few days seems to be one bad thing following another. KNN la, first is some old woman break her arm, now is DENGUE? The Gahmen is getting from bad to worse, first is too stingy to buy chair for old people backside, now cant even spray the fucking mosquitoes. KNNBCCB, hope the mosquito bite their backside until big big, so when they go hawker centre and eat their duck rice and smelly tau foo, will fall down also.

Because of their lancheow policy and lancheow attitdue, my brother kena.

WHAT IS EVEN WORSE, I KENA.

What kind of Gahmen is this, dont take care of their citizen one? Especially their "future pillar of Singapore", hahahahahahaha.

But im damn lucky la, i recovered in time for prelims, even though my dengue bout ensured i cannot come school get all the hints from teacher during revision lectures. Not even the frog liver soup that i had which tasted like shit (i suspect they put some SPECIAL INGREDIENT inside, or maybe the hawker never wash his hand after he go toilet, KNN man) was enough to kill me.

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM DAMN LUCKY!

I GET TO LIVE FOR ANOTHER 2 WEEKS BEFORE PRELIMS KILLS ME!

See you guys on monday, and remember to donate some spare change to my mum hor, then she will invite you to my funeral, kekeke.

2005-09-09T00:15:00.000+10:00

hahas okay mt im finally going to post something here. but its not going to be on nonsense social issues.. its going to be serious. *deadpan expression*

we're fucked for prelims. better go study instead.

Big Butt Saga

2005-09-05T23:51:00.000+10:00

hahahaha i found this shit in the Straits Times.. kudos to the the author of this article: it seems like singaporeans havent lost their sense of humour, yet.

"Hawker centre stools too small
Aug 28, The Sunday Times

I would like to advise the public to be cautious when they visit new hawker centres.

These days, hawker centres are being revamped with built-in tables and small round stools built partially uunder the table.

This means more walking space, but not everybody is suited to sit on these stools.

My mum fell off such a stool when she sat down to enjoy her noodles at the new Redhill hawker centre on July 22.

She said that being of average size, but with a big belly, she had to squeeze in between the table and the stool before she could sit down.

Unfortunately, while her thighs rested on the stool, her backside hung over the end of the stool, resulting in her fall.

She fractured her arm badly and it is now in a cast.

I hope the authorities can enlarge the seat area of those stools to avoid any further mishap, especially since there are many old folks residing in the Redhill area."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU TELL ME, ISNT THIS A HUGE PROBLEM FOR SINGAPORE?

jc2

2005-09-01T00:09:00.000+10:00

im 18! hahas it feels so strange to be finishing jc.. its like becoming an adult (yes me! mark chen an adult u noe.. haha)

anyway marktan can u post up ur pictures! hahas

goodbye, rj

2005-08-28T22:42:00.000+10:00

wah, friday was the last day of school, damn sad.. i brought a camera to school to take some photos la, cos must have something to show for my 2 years in jc right.. other people have their a level certs, i have my photos lor. hahahahaha.

im a sentimental guy what, cannot help it right?

shit, these 2 years past damn fast.. wth man, dont even have time to settle into j1 properly, and suddenly have to prepare for prelims?! jialat mann, havent even learn all the j1 stuff then must take exam already.

what is worse, i never get chance to experience the bishan campus properly yet laa. just moved only, then chase us away, damn rude man. just because we dont pay those extra school fees.. wah freaking stingy pokers. damn bo hua.. who doesnt want an extra year of jc? can eat canteen food for one more year!!! hahahaha especially JACOBS VEGETARIAN. come to think of it, i havent try alot of the school cuisine man.. like the chicken rice from the chicken rice stall.

looks like my jc years are wasted..

mee

2005-08-25T01:10:00.000+10:00

in case u dunnoe us... we are not gay. hahas mark tan is fugly anyway if i wana gay someone he has to be dam bloody chio preferbly a chick. ok so doesnt make sense. anyway yah this is just for fun la cos prelims suck.

the almost virgin post

2005-08-25T00:35:00.000+10:00

aiyah, you know how they always say how firsts are significant in life, right.

nothing feels quite like having the first post on the blog - it's probably how an author feels when he writes the opening lines of his novel, with the promise of a perfect creation, immaculate and exquisite in its conception. aiyah but wth la, i know my writing is lousy, purvis repeated it to me many many times already, so for me it's more like vandalising on an empty wall, or having the first shit in a clean toilet. ahahah.

but damn suay, someone use the toilet before me, so now not so clean anymore, and what is worse, i have a bad case of constipation.. hahahahah.

m&ms

2005-08-25T00:20:00.000+10:00

and so it begins.